Separation Anxiety
Distress when separated from primary caregivers, typically emerging between 6–12 months and peaking around 10–18 months.
| Onset | 6–12 months |
| Peak | 10–18 months (can resurface at 3 years) |
| Duration | Variable; typically resolves by 2–3 years |
| Prevalence | Nearly universal in infants |
Developmental Context
Separation anxiety emerges alongside object permanence—the understanding that people and objects continue to exist when out of sight. The infant now knows the parent has left but cannot yet trust they will return. This represents healthy attachment, not a behavioural problem.
Typical manifestations:
- Crying or screaming at drop-off
- Clinging to parent's leg or clothing
- Refusing to let parent out of sight (including bathroom)
- Increased night waking
- Distress with unfamiliar caregivers
Normal vs. Problematic Anxiety
| Normal Separation Anxiety | Concerning Signs |
|---|---|
| Child settles within 15–30 minutes of parent leaving | No recovery after parent leaves; distress lasts hours |
| Engages with toys/peers once regulated | Refuses play; constant monitoring of door |
| Functions well between separations | Loss of appetite, sleep disruption, regression |
| Protests primarily at goodbye | Anticipatory anxiety prevents leaving house |
Consult a doctor if:
- Anxiety interferes with daily functioning (eating, sleeping, playing)
- Child shows extreme avoidance or detachment after reunion
- Symptoms persist beyond age 3 or worsen over time
- Physical symptoms (vomiting, panic attacks) occur regularly
Factors Affecting Intensity
Separation is more difficult when:
- Prolonged (longer than 1–2 days)
- Abrupt, with no preparation
- In unfamiliar settings with unknown caregivers
- No explanation given to child
- Substitute caregivers ignore distress
Child Temperament matters: Slow-to-warm, cautious children typically show more intense reactions than risk-seeking, adaptable children. Neither response indicates better or worse adjustment.
Managing Separation
Before separation:
- Prepare in advance — Discuss where you're going, who will care for them, when you'll return. Use pictures of caregivers/location if possible.
- Practice short separations — Brief absences (10–15 minutes) build tolerance.
- Establish goodbye ritual — Consistent phrase ("I love you, see you after snack time"), quick hug, immediate departure.
During separation:
- Project confidence — Child reads parent's anxiety. Hesitation signals danger.
- Never sneak away — Increases monitoring behaviour and distrust.
- Keep goodbye brief — Prolonged farewells intensify distress.
Transitional objects (blanket, stuffed toy, parent's scarf) help child "hold on" to parent during absence.
Common Misattribution
Bedtime crying at 8–10 months is often labelled separation anxiety but may indicate sleep onset association issues. If child cannot fall asleep independently, screaming when put down awake is expected. True separation anxiety persists across contexts (daytime, with familiar caregivers).
What Parents Don't See
Drop-off distress typically resolves within minutes of parent leaving. Children who protest most intensely often become most engaged in activities shortly after. Recovery time is not visible to departing parent but is critical data for assessing adjustment.
See also: Object Permanence, [[Attachment Styles]], Sleep Onset Associations, Transitional Objects, Temperament